I’m kind of over the MTV reality thing…

I read today on ew.com that Kristin Cavallari will be replacing Lauren Conrad on MTV’s “hit” The Hills.  Notice the quotes around hit; they were placed there for a reason.  Admittedly, I watched The Hills regularly (not religiously) when it premiered.  I was intrigued at how being an intern at Teen Vogue could support such a lifestyle.  Not to long after the premiere, the show became very one note.  The formula  became something like this: Lauren feels “betrayed” by a friend and vows never to speak to them again.  Then, Speidi was born, and the show officially went to hell.  I don’t see how Kristin Cavallari is going to re-invigorate the show.  After Laguna Beach, she disappeared from the reality scene to, presumably, act for real, but all I can recall is a failed UPN show (which she hosted–not the same as acting) and a random guest role on Veronica Mars.  It’s clear that Ms. Cavallari is desperate for anything, including going back to reality television.  She can say whatever she wants about her acting goals (The goal for me is to get my fans excited about me again. When I first started out, I had a celebrity name but I didn’t have the acting skills I have now. If I have some buzz with my name again, I feel like it will only help.”), but I think we all recognize desperation when we see it.

Kristin Cavallari to visit The Hills?

E!Online reported yesterday that there is a possibility of Kristin Cavallari, Lauren’s nemesis from Laguna Beach (both the show and the town, I suppose), guest starring on The Hills.  Back in the day, I was probably on Team Lauren (LC), but these days I don’t think I am on either team.  After seeing Lauren last season and this season on The Hills, she has become quite annoying to me.  What exactly would Kristin Cavallari be doing on The Hills anyway?  The only connection I can see is Brody Jenner, but didn’t Kristin date him years ago?  As far as I know they don’t run in the same circles, and even if they did, would these two really make small talk if they happened to run into one another?  Remember, Kristin is the girl who showed up at Lauren’s bbq (uninvited), completely ignored her, then stole her guests.  From what I understand, these two were never friends or even civil to one another. 

The Hills: Lauren gets an apology (sort of) and Audrina gets a promotion (sort of)

Sometimes I wonder why I bother watching The Hills because as we all know everything is so contrived, and being that it is somewhat a reality show, we already know what is going on in everyone’s lives.  This week’s episode was all about a possible reconciliation between Lauren “LC” Conrad and her ex-BFF Heidi Montag.  Now, I should have known that no such reconciliation occurred because the Lauren and Heidi drama is still all over the tabloids (do they count as celebrities we want to read about?), but I thought maybe they had been putting on a show of being enemies for the sake of the show.  After all, we have already established that this show is contrived.  What better contrivance than making everyone think they are still enemies, only to have them reconcile on the show in the most shocking moment in reality television??!  Ok, so it wouldn’t be the most shocking moment in reality television, or even MTV reality television, but it still would have been surprising. 

At Teen Vogue, Lisa Love announced to Whitney and Lauren that they would be going to the Declare Yourself event (designed to get people to register to vote the “Hollywood” way).  As usual they drop a few names for everyone to see (Leonardo DiCaprio caught my eye), and they find out that Brent Bolthouse is on the board.  Right on cue, Whitney says to Lauren, “Do you think Heidi will be there?”  Of course she will be!  She and the new girl are going together because it will be really fun, and it’s for a good cause.  Really Heidi?  I didn’t know that getting people to vote registered on her “good cause” radar.  Maybe that’s why she and Spencer pulled that ridiculous publicity stunt about the wildfires in southern California.  Of course Heidi and Lauren end up at tables next to each other at the event, so Heidi thought it would be a good idea to wander over and act like nothing was wrong.  The two girls ended up arguing about the sex tape rumor, with Heidi repeatedly exclaiming that she had nothing to do with it and that she knew nothing about it. 

The next day at work Heidi sent Lauren a few instant messages and insisted on meeting to discuss everything in order to “put everything behind them.”  Lauren invited Heidi over the to the apartment to sort everything out.  I thought it was strange that Heidi brought flowers.  I understand that these flowers represented the proverbial olive branch, but it came off as fake.  Anyway, the conversation pretty much went as planned.  Heidi may not have had anything to do with the sex tape, but she also didn’t seem to care that her boyfriend spread such a horrible rumor about her supposed best friend.  I doubt that Lauren and Heidi can be friends with Spencer in the picture.  Heidi walked away looking genuinely hurt, and for a brief brief minute I felt her pain.  It must be difficult to stick by someone you love even though they’re capable of being mean and nasty.  Then I remembered that she probably doesn’t actually love Spencer and that they probably just stick together for fame.

Elsewhere on The Hills, Audrina has been promoted from receptionist to having her “very own cubicle” next to Chiara, whatever that means!  I thought it was funny that she was raving about moving up at Epic Records, but not really giving the specifics, of oh let’s say, a TITLE?  She’s just giving everyone logistics.  I don’t care that Audrina used to sit in the front of Epic Records, and now she sits in her own cubicle perhaps a little further back in the office.  We just want to know what it is that she does there!  Apparently she gets Sean Kingston to sign random pictures and CDs as gifts for the producers on the Jimmy Kimmel Show. 

That’s it for now about the Hills, but I have to ask one question.  Is it me or does this seem like the never ending season? Maybe it feels like a long season because we’ve endured far too many episodes of nothing.

Please! We already knew The Hills wasn’t really “reality” television.

This article in People just confirms it for us.  It’s interesting that Gavin felt compelled to talk about his date to Best Week Ever.  Is he trying to be famous or is he merely trying to save his reputation?  I mean, what if asks some girl out on a date, but she refuses because she saw how boring he was on The Hills?  I also think it’s hilarious that Gavin was talking about the lack of depth in the conversations he was having with these people.  Gavin, you are a model in L.A!  Wake up!  That town is notorious for being shallow and superficial.  Also, has he never seen a reality show on MTV?  There’s no way a show like The Hills or Laguna Beach could ever be natural!  In the spirit of my favorite fictional (yet, probably very real) OC resident, “Welcome to reality tv, bitch!”

Who do you prefer? Lauren or LC?

I don’t usually write about the Hills, but the prospect of a new guy in LC’s, excuse me, Lauren’s life was kind of exciting.  This girl has been stuck on the same two guys for what seems like an eternity–Jason Wahler and Brody Jenner.  The former is now engaged (what kind of idiot would marry him??) and the latter is, let’s face it, nothing more than Spencer in sheep’s clothing.  So when the promos showed Lauren on a date with a new guy, I was anxious to see who it would be.  Sure, she’s met some random people at Les Deux or wherever it is they always go, but they haven’t been anything to write home about (or blog about).  Plus the previews were making it seem like Lauren and Gavin would last beyond one date. 

Let’s talk about Gavin for a moment.  What do we know about him?  He’s a model.  Lauren tried to set him last year with Heidi (pre-Spencer), but she wasn’t having it.  He likes to go camping, but he’s not “camping every day.”  He likes sushi.  He thinks Brody was, all things considered, being nice to him at the barbecue.  I think that about covers it.  Yawn.  Lauren was right about Gavin being nice but ultimately not sparking her interest.  I had high hopes for Gavin because he seemed like he could possibly be Trey 2.0, but he turned out to be more like Trey Vista—new, sure, but by no means an improvement. 

My last complaint is about Lauren’s inability to actually tell the truth.  Why does this girl let things fester and then blow up about them later?  I can’t help but wonder that if she had approached the Spencer situation early on with Heidi instead of waiting what seemed like months, then perhaps she would still have a friend.  I am not defending Heidi at all, but I don’t think she was responsible for the sex tape rumor.  I think Spencer did it without her knowing, and now she has no choice but to believe him.  Anyway, back to my original point of Lauren’s inability to tell the truth.  Why did she pretend to like the salmon roll?  She could have just repeated her earlier comment about not being the biggest fan of salmon.  I like to think that if they went out a few more times, she would eventually blow the salmon roll out of proportion and end the relationship over it.  “WHY DO YOU KEEP ORDERING THE SALMON ROLL??”  Gavin would look at her and say, “I thought you liked it.  Plus, that’s what I eat when I go camping….not that I go camping every day.”  I think I have just created the most ridiculous show on earth.  In all seriousness though, I don’t really like the Lauren that we see on The Hills.  She comes across as snobby, uptight, and uncompromising.  I think I prefer the poor, pathetic LC from Laguna Beach because it is more preferable to watch her follow Stephen around than watch her act like Miss Thing on The Hills.